Recognizing and Escaping Stalking: A Comprehensive Safety Guide

Stalking affects approximately 7.5 million people in the United States each year. Most victims know their stalker. The behavior escalates over time, and in many cases, it precedes physical violence. Understanding stalking patterns can help you recognize danger early and take protective action.

This guide explains what constitutes stalking, how to document it, and what steps you can take to protect yourself.

What Is Stalking?

Stalking is a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. Single incidents are not stalking. The pattern is what matters.

Stalking behaviors include:

Following you or showing up wherever you are. Sending unwanted messages, emails, letters, or gifts. Monitoring your activities online or in person. Using technology to track your location. Contacting your friends, family, or coworkers to gather information. Making threats against you or people you care about. Damaging your property. Spreading rumors or posting information about you online.

Any one of these behaviors, repeated over time, can constitute stalking. The behavior does not need to be illegal on its own. The pattern creates the crime.

Who Stalks?

The majority of stalking victims are women, though men are also victimized. Most stalkers are known to their victims.

Former Intimate Partners

This is the most common category. After a relationship ends, one partner refuses to accept the breakup. What begins as attempts to reconcile can escalate into monitoring, threats, and violence. Intimate partner stalking is particularly dangerous because the stalker has detailed knowledge of the victim’s routines, relationships, and vulnerabilities.

Acquaintances

Coworkers, classmates, neighbors, or casual acquaintances can become stalkers. Sometimes the victim barely knows the person. The stalker has developed a fixation based on limited interaction.

Strangers

A small percentage of stalkers target people they have never met. These cases often involve public figures, but ordinary people can also attract stranger stalkers.

Delusional Stalkers

Some stalkers suffer from mental illness that causes them to believe they have a relationship with the victim when none exists. They may believe the victim is sending them secret messages or that they are destined to be together.

Warning Signs

Stalking typically begins with behaviors that seem harmless or even flattering. Recognizing these early signs can help you respond before the behavior escalates.

Excessive Contact

Someone who calls, texts, or emails far more than is appropriate for your relationship. If you have asked them to stop and they continue, this is a warning sign.

Unwanted Gifts

Gifts that continue after you have declined them, especially gifts that demonstrate the person has been watching you or knows things about you that you did not share.

Showing Up Uninvited

Appearing at your workplace, home, gym, or other locations without invitation. “Running into” you repeatedly in ways that seem unlikely to be coincidental.

Monitoring Your Activities

Knowing details about your movements, conversations, or online activity that they should not know. This may indicate surveillance, whether physical or technological.

Jealousy and Possessiveness

Asking detailed questions about your relationships and activities. Expressing anger or distress about your interactions with others.

Ignoring Boundaries

Refusing to accept rejection. Continuing contact after you have clearly asked them to stop. Interpreting your resistance as something to overcome rather than respect.

Documenting Stalking

If you believe you are being stalked, documentation is essential. It will be necessary if you seek a protective order or pursue criminal charges.

Keep a Log

Record every incident in writing. Include dates, times, locations, what happened, and any witnesses. Be specific. “He showed up at my job again” is less useful than “On January 5 at 3:15 PM, John Smith came to my workplace at [address] and waited in the parking lot for approximately 45 minutes until I left.”

Save Everything

Do not delete messages, emails, voicemails, or social media posts. Screenshot everything. Store backups in multiple locations, including cloud storage that the stalker cannot access.

Photograph Evidence

If the stalker damages your property, leaves items, or appears in places they should not be, take photographs. Include timestamps if possible.

Inform Others

Tell trusted friends, family members, coworkers, and neighbors about the situation. Ask them to document any interactions they have with the stalker or observations of the stalker’s behavior.

Report to Police

File a police report, even if you are unsure whether the behavior rises to criminal stalking. Having a documented history with law enforcement strengthens your case if the behavior continues or escalates.

Safety Planning

A safety plan is a set of actions you can take to protect yourself. Your plan should address multiple scenarios.

Vary Your Routines

Take different routes to work. Change your schedule when possible. Stalkers rely on predictability to monitor and intercept their targets.

Secure Your Home

Change your locks. Install a security system if possible. Do not let strangers into your building. Tell your neighbors about the situation so they can watch for suspicious activity.

Check Your Devices

Stalkers often use technology to track their victims. Have your phone and car checked for tracking devices or spyware. Change your passwords. Enable two-factor authentication. Be cautious about location sharing on social media.

Create a Go Bag

Prepare a bag with essentials: identification, important documents, cash, phone charger, medications, and a change of clothes. Store it somewhere you can access quickly if you need to leave suddenly.

Establish Safe Contacts

Identify people you can call or go to in an emergency. Give them information about your situation so they can respond appropriately.

Plan for Confrontations

Think through what you will do if the stalker confronts you. Having a plan reduces panic and helps you respond effectively. This might include walking toward other people, entering a public building, or calling 911.

Legal Options

Several legal tools can help protect you from stalkers.

Protective Orders

Also called restraining orders, these court orders prohibit the stalker from contacting or coming near you. Violating a protective order is a crime. The process for obtaining one varies by state, but generally involves filing a petition with the court and attending a hearing.

Protective orders are useful, but they are not guarantees of safety. A determined stalker may violate the order. The order provides legal consequences, not physical barriers.

Criminal Charges

Stalking is a crime in all 50 states. Report the behavior to police. A criminal case can result in jail time, probation, and mandatory treatment for the stalker.

Civil Lawsuits

You may be able to sue your stalker for damages. This can provide compensation for therapy, security expenses, lost wages, and emotional distress.

Workplace Protections

If you are being stalked, inform your employer. Many workplaces will take steps to protect you, such as changing your schedule, relocating your workspace, or enhancing security. Some states require employers to provide reasonable accommodations for stalking victims.

Technology Safety

Stalkers increasingly use technology to monitor and harass their victims. Protecting your digital life is essential.

Check for Spyware

Stalkerware programs can be installed on your phone without your knowledge. They allow someone to read your messages, track your location, and monitor your calls. If your stalker seems to know things they should not, have your devices checked by a professional.

Secure Your Accounts

Change passwords for all accounts, especially email and social media. Use strong, unique passwords. Enable two-factor authentication. Log out of all devices and sessions.

Review Location Sharing

Check which apps have access to your location. Disable location sharing on social media. Be aware that photos can contain location data in their metadata.

Separate Your Digital Life

Consider getting a new phone and phone number that the stalker does not know about. Create new email and social media accounts. Be careful about who you share this information with.

Document Digital Harassment

Screenshot everything. Save messages and posts. This evidence is crucial for law enforcement and legal proceedings.

Getting Help

You do not have to face stalking alone. Resources are available.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Provides support, safety planning, and referrals for stalking victims, especially those stalked by intimate partners.

Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC)

Offers information, resources, and training about stalking. Visit stalkingawareness.org.

Local Victim Advocates

Prosecutors’ offices and police departments often have victim advocates who can help you navigate the legal system, obtain protective orders, and access services.

Therapists and Counselors

Being stalked is traumatic. A mental health professional experienced with stalking and trauma can help you process the experience and develop coping strategies.

The Danger of Escalation

Stalking is not a nuisance. It is a predictor of violence. Research shows that stalkers who make threats, damage property, or show up at victims’ homes are more likely to become physically violent.

The most dangerous period is often when the victim tries to leave or cut off contact. If you are being stalked by a former partner, this is when you are at greatest risk. Safety planning is essential during this time.

Take stalking seriously. Trust your instincts. If someone’s behavior makes you feel unsafe, you have the right to protect yourself, regardless of what others think about the situation.

Conclusion

Stalking is a serious crime that affects millions of people. Recognizing the signs early, documenting the behavior, and taking protective action can reduce your risk.

You deserve to feel safe. No one has the right to monitor, harass, or threaten you. If you are being stalked, reach out for help. You are not alone, and resources are available to support you.

Written by Jenny Montoya M.A. Forensic Psychology

If you are being stalked, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit stalkingawareness.org for resources and support.